“He doesn’t love me anymore,” is what a woman thinks after some years into the marriage with her beloved. She also feels and thinks —
Men are only warm when it comes to body. They are not warm to heart. They don’t like to hangout or talk romantic stuff with the girls, whom they once find available. Elderly or prudent people rightly advise girls not to go to the bed with a man before marriage for he will lose interest in her after quenching his thirst for the bodily pleasure. How coldly they behave after they are done with love making. They seem like strangers. Their love diminishes so quickly. Husbands don’t like to spend time with wives; they don’t talk of romance, which they used to do a lot before the marriage. Women are emotional and actually long for the love of their husbands. It is not only bodily love; it is the love that springs from his heart.
There are some noticeable changes in men after one or two years into the marriage, in general. The girl expects the same love and attention from her man after their marriage, while the man turns to a traditional husband within one year or two. Now he knows the girl is now his wife, she is available for him. He now can see her every day, and can sleep with her whenever he needs. It diminishes his attraction towards her. Besides, everyday necessities and duties of life fade the colour of their colourful hearts.
But still, the girl, now wife, accepts these household chores, everyday duties with enthusiasm, thinking it is the recognition of her as a wife of her beloved. So she decorates herself as a wife for her husband, and expects the attention, praise and attraction from her man. She knows that her beloved is now her husband, and the girl, (now wife), devotes her all attention and emotion on her husband.
On the other hand, to the men in our society, being a husband means he will bear financial expenses of the wife’s life, and the wife will meet his physical demand, will do household chores, maintain the family duties, and gives birth to children and raises them. Their relations with their wives end here.
Why men behave in this way
We, women, or as wives, wonder why our husbands don’t like to spend time with us, don’t talk romantic stuff or behave romantically. We speculate, but cannot enter their hearts to see what’s going on there. Let’s know from some of men’s confessions why their behavior changes after marriage.
Man 1: (This man is middle-aged, has been married for around 17 years. Here I have paraphrased what he has said when asked about the topic of this article.)
During the relationship before marriage, a man remains focused on his girlfriend, he doesn’t want to lose her. He wants her attention, time and touch. But when this relation turns to marriage, they become husband and wife, and pass one year or two, their staying together takes a new turn named (in Bangla, we call it ‘Shongsar’) family life. And then the man doesn’t feel any romantic love there, he thinks it a duty. Whereas, during their love affairs, there was only charm, romance, fun, entertainment, love, no duty at all. Besides, a fear of losing these pleasures provided by her company was there. So he took care of her likings, her mood, etc. Now after getting her as a wife, he has no fear of losing her. Because he takes it for granted that she will be there at his home always. His traditional views regarding the roles of a wife and a husband now rule his mind, and attitudes towards his wife. He feels boring with the monotonous daily life; no charm, no fun, nothing new. Same things at home don’t attract him anymore. He searches pleasures in friends, outside world, in devices, on net world, etc. He wants to explore new women, something new.
Man 2: He is a young man, involved in a love affair. One day this man was telling his beloved that after their marriage, he would come home at night after finishing his work and spending time with friends. Then they would make love. No obstacles would be there to refrain them from love making, he said in a very happy mood. His girlfriend asked him, “Only this? You would come to me only at night to make love?” The man in reply asked her,”Then for what else?”
Man 3: “Wives are meant to stay at home, manage household chores, and take care of husbands and children.” –A middle-aged married man.
Man 4: He is also a middle-aged man, married for more than a decade. He married the girl he loved. Recently, he is in a secret relationship with another woman. When he was asked why he had been doing this, and whether he did love his wife anymore, his reply was –
“I love her. I am doing wrong. It is an injustice to my wife. But from acuriosity and to test something new, I got involved in this secret relation.”
So you see, at the end of the day, women are bodily objects to men. That’s why many men say same dish everyday doesn’t taste well. They don’t see women as human beings like themselves. They don’t think that wives also have romantic feelings, longing for love, desires; they also need the company of men. Perhaps, men don’t love any individual woman, they love the woman kind. But it is not possible to get so many women at the same time. So they choose one as per their choices or likings or for some other interests. I have seen or observed this phenomenon in men. That’s why the woman he seemed to love while she was his wife when dies, he forgets her so fast and becomes interested in other girls, and gets married most of the time as soon as possible.
However, when you find your most loved, trusted partner does not like your company any more, and you find no lack of efforts in keeping the relation alive from your part, you understand that actually his love for you died. Because as long as a man loves you, he loves to be around you, he loves to hear your voice, he loves to listen to your even stupid talks; he does not want to stay away from you.
Now many men even women would say that men only listen to their wives, and even cut off relation with his parents and siblings to appease their wives. My observation is–
Men or husbands who prefers wives’ decisions regarding family issues or bad behaviour towards his parents, siblings, actually compensate their wives as they cheat on her or cannot fulfill her physical need, or doesn’t give her quality time, doesn’t take care of her emotional needs, or keep her inside home most of her life like a home prisoner, or for some other kinds of deprivations. And these men actually don’t respect or love their parents. And, sometimes, there are genuine reasons which cause the deterioration in the relation with their parents or siblings.
Monswita Bulbuli is a journalist
